Monster! (Spoken Word)

He’s cryin’ – cookin’ up some dread
He’s cookin’ up some fear to feed the monster in his head
Rubs those tears away and with his eyes rubbed red
He pushes through the misery of wishing he was dead

The pressure…

Just one more post to Insta before the guy can break
Just one more post to Insta of a life no more than fake
For heaven’s sake
All those thousands of images
Churned out day after day after day
All that like for like and follow for follow
That shallow existence you willingly swallow

And he’ll pose in front of that mirror for the umpteenth time this month

That pout upon his lips
jaw raised high
Shoulder muscles crunching
And the steel within his eyes

But you cannot hide, cryin’ guy

They all see it and it isn’t hard to find
It’s the man you long to be
It’s the boy you left behind

Entombed within each picture
It’s right there for us to see
And with a scratch upon your surface
Let’s just see how fast you bleed

How fragile you are… behind those lies

Distorted by the lens
As you struggle to pretend
That it’s all fine
That you’re worthy of our time
How you live your life
So free from strife
And no less than sublime
Within your prime
But not this time
You think we fail to notice all those cracks upon your shell
Those chinks within your armour and your state of living hell
As we watch your ego swell
Eagerly awaiting the next downward turn

And he’ll never learn

Spending his days
Tryin’ to portray someone new
He wants to break through

But the mask that he’s placed
So firm on his face
To wipe out all trace
Of the hurt
It doesn’t work

And now…

He’s tryin’ – cookin’ up some trouble
His last chance to escape before he sinks beneath the rubble
He snorts a cheeky line to get him back inside his bubble
And then snorts double

The high…

Just one more shot of G now as he gains in altitude
Just one more shot of G now aimed to get him in the mood
His judgement skewed
All those times he’s been twatted
Taking line after line after line
All those M-bombs he’s gone through in search of some love
And the K-holes sunk into that fit like a glove

As he checks into his Grindr for the umpteenth time that night

Pout upon his lips
Ass raised high
Stomach muscles crunching
And the bruising on his thighs

There’s nowhere to hide – flyin’ guy

They all know it and it didn’t take much thought
It’s those pills you had to drop
It’s all the coke you had to snort

But then you’ve got no use for PrEP
You could have used it in the day
When a careless lack of condoms
Got you fucked in every way

The night you got high… back in 2009
With an ass full of spooge
The baggage is huge

And there’s days that you find
It disrupting your mind
You can’t leave it behind
And since then, less inclined
To behave
You’re a slave
To those monsters inside
And from which you can’t hide
As you slide
To your grave

Still, You think we fail to notice
All that shame upon your face
So hungry of affection
As you search from place to place
And still no trace

All the right times spent with all the wrong guys

And those lies…

Helped him build that facade
Kept him up on his guard
With barriers hard
And they’re raised

Then he’s fazed

When he finally sees
Just how well his disease
Keeps him on down his knees
Never praised

And soon…

He’ll be dyin’ – cookin’ up some grief
So tired of pushing forward
And so desperate for relief
That not a single person
Could have altered his belief
There is no point

Just one more slug of vodka meant to chase away the pain
Just one more slug of vodka aimed to numb his filthy brain
With nought to gain
But with nothing left to lose
All those nights spent alone
When he’s cried and he’s cried and he’s cried
All that heartless rejection that stung like a bee
It’s that missing connection – a lock with no key

And he’ll pick up that rope for the umpteenth time this month

The dryness of his lips
Noose hung high
Finger knuckles crunching
He prepares to say goodbye
There’s no more tears to cry

Just one more post to Insta
How they slip on day by day
As the hundreds turn to thousands
Now there’s nothing left to say

His final selfie

Aiden Bex